One of the world’s leading experts on infidelity provides a step-by-step guide through the process of marital infidelity—from suspicion and revelation to healing, and provides profound, practical guidance to prevent cheating and, if it happens, recover and heal from it.You’re right to be cautious when you hear these words: “I’m telling you, we’re just friends.”Good people in good marriages are having affairs. The workplace and the Internet have become fertile breeding grounds for “friendships” that can slowly and insidiously turn into love affairs. Yet you can protect your relationship from emotional or sexual betrayal by recognizing the red flags that mark the stages of slipping into an improper, dangerous intimacy that can threaten your marriage.

***NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER***\\nIs there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Why do people cheat? Can an affair ever help a marriage?\\nInfidelity is the ultimate betrayal. But does it have to be? Relationship therapist Esther Perel examines why people cheat, and unpacks why affairs are so traumatic; because they threaten our emotional security. In infidelity, she sees something unexpected - an expression of longing and loss.\nA must-read for anyone who has ever cheated or been cheated on, or who simply wants a new framework for understanding relationships.\n'Esther Perel does nothing short of strip us of our deepest biases, remind us of our purpose in connecting as lovers, and save relationships that might otherwise sink into the sea-all with even-handed wisdom, fresh morality, and wise prose. Thank heavens for this woman.' - Lena Dunham\n'Beautiful. A brilliantly intelligent plea for complexity, understanding, and - as always - kindness.' - Alain de Botton\n'She's the guru on relationships... she's the first person I ask for advice' - Cara Delevingne\n'Wisest sex therapist we ever did meet. Her new book, THE STATE OF AFFAIRS, proposes a new perspective on infidelity' - GRAZIA\n'This is a must-have for all married couples and has completely changed my thinking.' - SUNDAY TIMES STYLE

A world-renowned relationship expert shares his research about love and what it takes to develop a trustful, intimate, and emotionally fulfilling bond.In this insightful book, celebrated research psychologist and couples counselor John Gottman plumbs the mysteries of love and shares the results of his famous “Love Lab”: Where does love come from? Why does some love last, and why does some fade? And how can we keep it alive? Based on laboratory findings, this book shows readers how to identify signs, behaviors, and attitudes that indicate a fraying relationship and provides strategies for repairing what may seem lost or broken.

When it comes to adultery, never say, “It won’t happen to me.”\nJust when you think your marriage is safe from adultery is when you may be the most vulnerable. \nWith eye-opening stories, clinical insights, and up-to-date data, Dave Carder reveals what adulterers learned the hard way—and what they want the rest of us to know to save us the pain. \nDave Carder, counselor and author of the bestselling Torn Asunder (100,000 in print), is a sought-after expert on issues of adultery. Here he helps you make your marriage adultery-proof by showing you:\n\nHow attractions can lead to affairs\nWays you may be vulnerable to affairs\nThe common ingredients of adultery\nHow to restore intimacy to your marriage\nHow to make wise, protective decisions\n\nMarriage is too sacred to be taken casually. Affairs are a very real threat, and they can destroy lives and families. For this reason, Anatomy of an Affair should be on every church leader’s and marriage counselor’s required reading list, and in the home of every married couple. \nIncludes charts and assessments to understand and guard against affairs. \nThis book is the revised edition of Close Calls (2008)

In the classic bestseller His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr., identifies the ten most vital needs of men and women and shows husbands and wives how to satisfy those needs in their spouses. He provides guidance for becoming irresistible to your spouse and for loving more creatively and sensitively, thereby eliminating the problems that often lead to extramarital affairs. This revised and expanded edition has been updated throughout and includes new writing that highlights the special significance of intimate emotional needs in marriage.

"A fresh look at infidelity, broadening the focus from the havoc it wreaks within a committed relationship to consider also why people do it, what it means to them, and why breaking up is the expected response to duplicity — but not necessarily the wisest one.” — LA Review of BooksFrom iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity comes a provocative and controversial look at infidelity with practical, honest, and empathetic advice for how to move beyond it.An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. What are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about modern relationships—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”

We all yearn for intimacy, but we avoid it. We want it badly, but we often run from it. At some deep level we sense that we have a profound need for intimacy, but we are afraid to go there. Why? We avoid intimacy because having intimacy means exposing our secrets. Being intimate means sharing the secrets of our hearts, minds, and souls with another fragile and imperfect human being. Intimacy requires that we allow another person to discover what moves us, what inspires us, what drives us, what eats at us, what we are running toward, what we are running from, what self-destructive enemies lie within us, and what wild and wonderful dreams we hold in our hearts. In The Seven Levels of Intimacy, Matthew Kelly teaches us in practical and unforgettable ways how to know these things about ourselves and how to share ourselves more deeply with the people we love. This book will change the way you approach your relationships forever!

“Dr. Spring possesses a remarkable combination of clarity, wisdom, spirit, and heart. This is an extremely helpful and healing book—a gift to us all.”—Harriet Lerner, Ph.D., author of The Dance of Anger\nA staggering number of couples in America—about 70 percent—have been affected by extramarital affairs. After the Affair is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship. \nWritten by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D., a nationally known therapist and acknowledged expert on infidelity, this revised and updated version brings the groundbreaking classic into the 21st century, with a new section dealing with online affairs in cyberspace. For women who are struggling in their marriage—and for clinicians, psychology academics and readers fascinated by of popular psychology—this newly revised and updated edition of After the Affair is essential reading.

A Guide to Rebuilding Trust and Intimacy It's devastating to discover that the person you trust the most has betrayed you. You'll be facing some hard questions after learning of your partner's infidelity. You may choose to rebuild your relationship, or you may decide to move on. Whatever the right decision is for you, this book will help you figure out why your partner betrayed you and decide whether you can remain in your relationship. It will also show you new ways to relate that can help you and your partner become a lasting, loving, and committed couple. You'll start by taking a look at the phenomenon of infidelity and the three types of intimacy: self-intimacy, conflict intimacy, and affection intimacy. Then you'll learn about the three kinds of infidelity—those of fear, of loneliness, and of anger—and what each reveals about your relationship. Then it's on to practical exercises that can heal emotional wounds and enable you to recover your ability to trust. Even if you decide not to remain with your current partner, the book will help you make wise relationship choices to "affair-proof" your future relationship.

Discovering that a partner has been unfaithful hits you like an earthquake. Long after the first jolt, emotional aftershocks can make it difficult to be there for your family, manage your daily life, and think clearly about your options. Whether you want to end the relationship or piece things back together, Getting Past the Affair guides you through the initial trauma so you can understand what happened and why before deciding how to move forward. Based on the only program that’s been tested--and proven--to relieve destructive emotions in the wake of infidelity, this compassionate book offers support and expert advice from a team of award-winning couple therapists. If you stay with your spouse, you’ll find realistic tips for rebuilding your marriage and restoring trust. But no matter which path you choose, you’ll discover effective ways to recover personally, avoid lasting scars, and pursue healthier relationships in the future.Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) Self-Help Book of Merit\n

Everyone has their own concept of what “monogamy” means―and most people assume their partners and spouses are on the same page. Couples may assume that they are monogamous, but never discuss exactly what the monogamy agreement means to them. What happens when this implicit agreement is broken? After infidelity, relationships can become strained as both partners lose trust and faith in each other. The New Monogamy offers a way out of these difficulties for couples struggling to stay together after infidelity. Couples make these implicit assumptions and agreements explicit so that each partner knows exactly what is expected of them in the future and what they can expect from their partner. Author Tammy Nelson helps couples regain trust, romance, and intimacy after infidelity by redefining the monogamy contract. The new monogamy contract is an explicit relationship agreement created after the affair that allows each partner to openly, honestly, and safely share their desires, expectations, and limitations. This agreement does not create an open marriage, but rather, an open conversation wherein each partner can have a say in setting the ground rules for their relationship. The book first helps couples rebuild trust after the affair, then engages in a series of Imago dialogues based on questions about what each partner really wants in the relationship, not what you think you should want or what a partner wants you to want. The New Monogamy includes questionnaires, checklists, and candid questions for partners to ask that help welcome complete honesty and trust back into the relationship. Then, the book helps couples make an erotic recovery from infidelity by addressing erotic problems that may surface and offers advice for helping couples return to desiring and trusting one another. After an affair, it’s impossible to go back to the way the relationship was before, but this book offers the chance for a new beginning.

Until now, we have been taught that forgiveness is good for us and that good people forgive. Dr. Spring, a gifted therapist and the award-winning author of After the Affair, proposes a radical, life-affirming alternative that lets us overcome the corrosive effects of hate and get on with our lives—without forgiving. She also offers a powerful and unconventional model for genuine forgiveness—one that asks as much of the offender as it does of us. This bold and healing book offers step-by-step, concrete instructions that help us make peace with others and with ourselves, while answering such crucial questions as these: \nHow do I forgive someone who is unremorseful or dead? When is forgiveness cheap? What is wrong with refusing to forgive? How can the offender earn forgiveness? How do we forgive ourselves for hurting another human being?

A Wonderfully Supportive Guide from an Internationally Recognized Authority on Affairs "Emily Brown has written a must-read book for anyone going through the searing pain of infidelity. First she deciphers the five types of affairs, then she gives clear step-by-step procedures to help both partners deal with it and even grow from it. It's a real achievement." —Marguerite Kelly, syndicated columnist, The Family Almanac and author, Marguerite Kelly's Family Almanac "Finally, a book on affairs that pulls no punches!. . . . It's the book I'll put at the top of my list to recommend to both professionals and to husbands, wives, and lovers. Highly recommended." —Isolina Ricci, author, Mom's House, Dad's House: The Complete Guide for Parents Who Are Separated, Divorced, or Remarried

From leading marital therapists and researchers, this unique book presents a three-stage therapy approach for clinicians working with couples struggling in the aftermath of infidelity. The book provides empirically grounded strategies for helping clients overcome the initial shock, understand what happened and why, think clearly about their best interests before they act, and move on emotionally, whether or not they ultimately reconcile. The volume is loaded with vivid clinical examples and carefully designed exercises for use both during sessions and at home.

The new edition of this highly-regarded book includes comprehensive discussion of the nature of an affair and the five types of affairs and their underlying dynamics. The author addresses issues regarding revealing the affair, management of the consequences, rebuilding, and treating an unmarried third party, as well as the host of complex issues regarding children and custody arrangements. New material for the second edition includes cybersex and the effects of new technology on fidelity in marriage; the effects of managed care on treatment; marriage to the third party; and a new chapter on affairs and violence.